Zak Hond 3-0 London Wayfarers 2s
There is a saying about things being as rare as excrement from a rocking horse; there is another saying, which is more polite, about blue moons. Neither are as rare as the Zaks’ keeping a clean sheet; but Saturday 7th October 2017 will be remembered for that day. The day when Christopher ‘Michael York’ Grounds, James ‘Richard Chamberlain’ Pearce, Paul ‘Frank Finlay’ Dickson and Jonny ‘Oliver Reed’ Witt, all (nearly) veterans, with a combined age of 133, barricaded the Zaks’ D and protected Jonny ‘the human sieve’ Dodds from any real attempts at goal to ensure that clean sheet was kept intact. To be fair to The Sieve, he did a reasonable job of letting shots hit him, much like last week, and in that sense is in the form of his life (it is all relative).
To be fair the Wayfarers 2s were equally as incapable as Faye Dunaway and Geraldine Chaplin in attempting to unseat the Zaks from power especially when so ably prevented by the Musketeers. There were notable impressive performances from other Zaks in support of this monumental achievement, with some of our antipodean imports providing some much needed grit (and legs) to the side. We also scored three very mediocre and forgettable goals. So unmemorable that in fact I cannot remember who scored them.
Our new watering hole of the Warrington also provided valuable sustenance with the match chilli and rice getting an honourable 6.5/10.
Frank Finlay then proceeded in a vote fix that ensured he did not win a deserved Nick of the day after a fairly standard Zak Hond self-destruct moment at the end of the match. We also discovered that Eddie Bower is going to be a useful addition to the Zak Hond boat race team. Man of the match was won by someone, but no one can remember who and more importantly no one cares either.
In other news it is important that as many people as possible sign the petition to ensure that the geometrically incorrect abominations that are adorning signs up and down the country purporting to be street signs for football grounds are replaced with correct combinations of hexagons and pentagons.
MATCH REPORT – 7 Oct 2017 Vets v East Grinstead
RESULT: Lost 1 – 2
It’s always a hard-fought battle against EG: 1-2, 2-1, 2-1, 1-2 being the results from our last 4 encounters. Unfortunately we were the wrong side of this latest one. Despite being strong on numbers this week (at least in theory, Edo!) we missed our chances in the first half and went down to a drag-flicked short corner just before half time. With a full complement of players after half time, we piled on the pressure but managed to concede a second but clawed one back via a Boudewijn short corner strike before he picked up his statutory green card. We finished the game the stronger side but could n’t find the equaliser so ended up disappointed.
Good to try out the Harrow School astro as a potential new overflow pitch – certainly better than the Tiger, (although a few scuff marks you need to get the fags to sort out for next time, please Hammo.) Post mortem was carried out in the Castle pub afterwards at which it was unanimously agreed that:
- a) the forwards (esp Saxby) need to sharpen up in front of goal,
- b) Edo needs to take back control (and maybe buy a new tracksuit)
- c) Brind and Hovington seek relationship counselling.
MOM: James Jackson
DoD: Despite many more worthy candidates, in an election result as surprising as Brexit or Trump’s victory, Saxby got it.